LO: Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choice?

As they tumbled from the tower ledge they nearly struck the golden sand. Their powerful feathered wings on their backs began to unfold in the breeze. They shot up. Icarus glided across the shimmering sea below them. They were flying. Daedalus knew if he flew to close to the flaming sun the burning wax would melt. So he told Icarus, who was becoming over confident. Daedalus told him to stay at the height of the vast mountains on the coast line. But Icarus didn’t listen. Icarus had mastered it, he had become very ignorant. He soared higher and above the height his Daedalus had told him to stay below. Then the confident Icarus hovered to close to the shining sun above him. Helios the son god felt cheated. Icarus was boasting about how great he was, claiming that he was better than the sun god. Helios didn’t like this Icarus still didn’t listen and climbed higher. Daedalus warned Icarus again but it was too late. The beaming flaming sun rays hit the hot wax. Icarus had thoughts racing through his head that didn’t make sense. Then Daedalus’s great fear became true. The burning wax on Icarus’s back flowed down to the raging sea.

LO: Can I use noun phrases and accurate verb choice to help carry a theme through a piece of writing?

Darkness. Icarus exceedingly heavy eyelids slid open. It was all a blur; he was plummeting, tumbling out of the azure blue sky. The churning unforgiving water rushing up before him and…Silence. It all came crystal clear, he was in the underworld. The overwhelming despair, surged through his body, the horrifying truth dawned on him. He was dead. An expression of melancholy spread across his face, he could remember it all, tears began streaming, cascading down his face, and he had thrown his life away. He stared all around him, the vast nothingness of the underworld made up his surroundings. He was never going to see his father, Daedalus, again; because of what? Because he thought he was far superior at flying than Helios. He was a fool, for aggravating a God; for thinking he could defeat Apollo at his own game. He was to be a prisoner of the underworld forever more.

They leapt from the tower ledge. As they plunged down the ledge, their white feathered wings unfolded. They bolted upwards. They flew across the murky sea. Shortly, Icarus got confident in flying. He flew high like a bird could fly. The blistering sun burnt Icarus back. Icarus had excessive confidence that he had hubris. He had too much ignorance. He even thought that he was better than the god Apollo! Daedulus warned him not to climb any higher or else. Unfortunately, Icarus ignored again! There was now a competition with Apollo. Icarus flew higher that Daedulus until he soar higher until he got closer to the sun. Apollo thought that Icarus needed a punishment. He made the sun as hot as he can. The blazing sun touched on his back and the wax melted. The wax dripped and floated onto the murky black sea. Icarus plummeted down whilst Daedulus followed behind him. Icarus was falling fast. Daedulus did not know what to do because he did not know what to do to save Icarus. Daedulus wished Icarus had listened to him. Icarus had sunk into the gushing riverbank. Icarus was never to been seen ever again so Daedulus went home by himself.