Lo: Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choices?

As the burning wax began to melt, the purl white feathered wings began unfurled. Suddenly wings began to shake with fear. Then they darted across the sapphire sky in a rush! Icarus was petrified at first but then he got the hang of it, in fact he mastered it but started to have excessive pride. Icarus was warned by his father not to fly to high, but he ignored his father and flew higher and higher. The calm breeze started to carrying him up and he was drifting in the azure sky. Icarus was not thinking and then said that he could go higher then the god of the sun Apollo. Apollo over heard what Icarus said so Apollo got furious and then he told the gold glittering sun to shin it sun rays upon the land. So the sun shone its flaming hot sun rays and then the wax began to drip down his back and the plummeted into the deep, rapid sea. The hard navy blue sea started crushing his bone and was never to be seen again by his father ever again. His father wept in sadness.

Lo: Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choice?

They leapt like new born birds from the tower ledge and there Perl Wight wings opened as fast as a lightning bolt from Zeus and shot up like a catapult. The wings glided gracefully above the neon blue sea. Icrus became over confident and flew as high as an eagle above the clouds and the sun pealed of the wax like a scab. The wings fell apart faster than a shooting star and icrus fell like a rock down the side of a cliff. He froze like an ice scolpcher in fear and wonder if this was his last breath and it was and he slept with the fishes.

The end               by Milo