: Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrase and accurate verb choice?

They leapt from the tower ledge. As they tumbled from the ledge

towards the stormy raging sea there mighty feathered

wings sprung  open. They shot manifestly across  the sea.

As they rose higher and higher Icarus forgot about the warning that Daedalus had given him. He rose higher and higher.

Next he felt the wax dripping off his colourful wings.

With a stab of horror Icarus realised he was no longer able to fly.

He stared to plumit down towards the dark raging sea.

With an enourmous splash Icarus fell into the sea and moved no more.