L.O:Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choices?
As they leapt from the immense tower ledge, their feathered, powerful wings spread from their blistering backs. The cold breeze was finally out of their faces and they were soaring like eagles in the azure sky. Icarus soon got the hang of flying; he was twisting and turning all over the place. Dadils warned Icarus not to fly to high otherwise the throbbing wax would melt but icarus just kept flying and flying he soon claimed he has better than his father and then he even claimed he was better than the sun God Apollo. At that very second Apollo a woke he was stunned to hear such arrogant words come out of Icuarus’ mouth he melted the wax on Icuarus’ back. Icuarus plummeted down like a lightning bolt as he passed his father dadilis was in disbelieve. But nothing Dadilis did made a difference Icuarus could see rolling, rough sea and he knew it was going to be the end of his life. In just one splash it was over Icuarus had died.
The phrase ‘throbbing wax’ is interesting – it combines texture, heat, even sound. The lightning bolt is a very original comparison and links with the mythology (Zeus!) I especially like the way the sea is seen getting closer and closer as Icarus falls.
I like how you used ‘immense tower ledge’ because you have thought deeply about the image of the tower and I can picture the tower.
Very effective choices of vocabulary in this piece, Jenna which have a marked effect on your reader. You have built the imagery very well, contrasting the success of the flying at the beginning and the horrific picture of Icarus plunging to his death at the end. Well done!
Mrs Grant
thank you for all the comments. I agree that throbbing wax is an interesting phrase I used it for affect so that it shows how hot and painful the wax really was.