Thursday 1 October 2015
L.O. Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choice?
They leapt from the tall, old battered tower ledge. They jumped of they were falling but emgently the warm cosy wings started to unfold. Suddenly Icares gets the hang of flying and he marstered it straight away. Daderless gave Icares 1 warning not to fly to hi to the sun otherwise the wax on your back will start to melt of. Icaes ignored that warning and said that he was way better than Helios the god of the flaming sun. Helios was furious to hear what he was hearing. Strait away out of know where a powerful strike of the sun to come down and strike Icares on his red back suddenly his huge powerfully wings fall off like a volcano about to arupt. Icares started to fall he was terrified the biggest shock of his dark lonely life. Suddenly Icares just dropped strait into the dark, deep sea. Death was ahead of him. He hit strait into the warter and all of his bones snapped!
Great work Katie.
I really liked the word ‘Battered’ because it shows that the tower has been there for years.
A very evocative piece – the volcano imagery stirs so many senses (heat, sight and colour, smell) and ‘snapped’ brings in a powerful, dramatic sound (onomatopoeia). The use of short sentences is a very effective way to create tension.
You take your reader on quite a journey through your descriptions, Katie! The contrast of Icarus’ lack of confidence when flying and then mastering the skill before dropping terrified into the sea is very effective. Your use of the short sentence towards the end ‘Death was ahead of him.’ build the tension brilliantly! Well done.
Mrs Grant
Thank you!
I agree with ‘Death was ahead of him’ Because it really explain that when he was close to the water that he was going to have a tragic death. It also really brought out the way that it was coming quick.