LO: can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choice?
They leapt off the wooden ledge and plummeted down the side of the tower .The azure wings opened at the last minute catching them just before they hit the glistening yellow sand bellow them . They shot up into the sky by now there backs had started to burn , blister and boil .By then Icarus had mastered the art of flying and became ignorant to his father . Icarus was going quite high so Daediluss had to warn him not to go too high because the wax on hiss back might melt off his back. But Icarus ignored him and simply said I am the best at flying even better than the sun god Apollo . Apollo over heard this and became especially angry and sent boiling sun rays to melt the wax off Icarusies back …AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
SPLAT.
Hi Kellan,
I really like how you described the sand,’glistening yellow sand.’It shows that the sand is shimmering, and it is a very good verb to use.
The contrast of colours is very strong here and the reader gets a real sense of the pain of Icarus’ punishment. How might you try to describe how Icarus feels as the wax begins to melt? What might he be thinking now?
Kellan – you have chosen some effective noun phrases here. I like the way you describe the glistening yellow sand – it introduces the warmth of the day which leads to the ‘boiling rays’ later in the piece. Well done!
Mrs Grant