As they leapt from the vast tower ledge, their strong, powerful wings spread. They soared upwards. Icarus and Daedulas weren’t very good at first but soon enough they were gracefully floating in the gentle summer’s breeze. They had mastered flying. They had flown far, far away from the king’s tower when Icarus started to get higher and higher. “Look at me! I am inspirational! I am even better than Apollo, the sun god!”Icarus yelled loudly! “Don’t go too high Icarus; your wings will fall off!”Warned Daedulas. “My wings won’t fall off! They are strong and powerful!”Laughed Icarus, as he flew closer and closer to the sun. Suddenly, the wax on his back started to melt! “Oh no! My wings are falling off!”Screamed Icarus. He started to fall. “I did warn you Icarus, I feared this Icarus.”Murmured Daedulas. Icarus plummeted into the deep, dark sea below him and he was never to be seen again.
THE END
Great writing Flora.
I love your use of the verb ‘screamed’ because this verb shows the fear that Icarus would feel as he plummeted from the sky. Incidentally, I also like the verb ‘plummeted’ because it shows the speed at which Icarus would fall and how out-of-control he would be.
Excellent direct speech – it gives a really powerful human aspect to the tale and ‘screamed’ and ‘murmured’ captures the tone and volume at which the words are being spoken. We get a real sense of how far Daedalus and Icarus are from home (and from safety).
You take your reader on an emotional journey with the characters through this, Flora. Ambition, uncertainty, confidence, pride, arrogance, fear… Your use of direct speech is very effective in this. Well done!
Mrs Grant
Thank you for your comment Mr Hunt! I tried to use a mixture of verbs so you can really picture it in your head. I also tried to use adverbs to gives even more information about what Icarus is doing.