L O can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrase and accurate verb choice ?
Deadelus and Icarus leaped for their life off the tower ledge , Deadelus was first to jump and Icarus was second . Deadelus plummeted down and then Deadelus shot up into the salty air. And then it was Icaruses turn to jump off the tall jagged tower he took a deep breath and he jumped! He was just about to hit the ground until his wings unfolded and he took of like a bird in to the air
Both Icarus and Deadelus were air born they were both amazing at weaving in and out of houses . At first Icarus was terrified of dying but Icurus was flying really really high “ICARUS GET DOWN HERE” Deadelus shoted he flew so high and scremmed “Im better than Apollo Apollo hated that and in fact he sent a sun ray and the ray was so hot that his wax melted and the wings fell of and he fell straight into the sea.
THE END
I love your writing!
Also I love the use of ‘Dadalus shot up into the salty air’. It is a beautiful noun phrase and it gives the reader an excellent insight on the location.
You really get a sense of the differences between the two characters here – which is an important aspect to the story. How are we supposed to view their different attitides? A great moment of tension is created before Daedalus masters flying – he is just about to hit the ground. The piece is full of energy – we journey both up and down with the character throughout.
Thanks for the kind positive coment mac
Tom – you have built up some really good imagery here with some thoughtful vocabulary choices. I like the description of the two men ‘weaving in and out of the house’ – it really sounds like they are enjoying themselves whilst they have no idea of the horror that awaits them. Don’t forget how powerful one or two short sentences can be to build up tension for people reading your work! Well done!
Mrs Grant