Lo: can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choice?
They leaped from the glistening tower ledge and soared through the air. Their snow white wings popping out .They gracefully glided through the air. Icarous struggling with every move he made. The sea blasting sprays at them like diamonds in the mid afternoon sun .they kept on going, the sea turning evil it was a dark blue green colure. the evil faces of the sea looking at them .It then started to to turn bright the glistening sun poking its face out of the clouds it gave a beautiful burst of light. Icarous growing with with confidence he flew up like a dove. He was the master of the sky the king of wind he could fly. He was growing to confident icarous do not fly to close to the sun but he did not listen then feathers were every were he fell to the sea and he was never seen again.
Good work Ellis.
I really liked all your verbs especially `leaped` because it conveys that they didn’t just fall instead it shows that they had confidence and knew they were going to be fine. I also really liked your noun phrases.
That is a very good peace of work.
I like the use of the word glistening it shows that the tower isn’t dull in color,I also like the verb soared because it show the speed that there going when they jumped from the tower ledge.
This is full of light and colour – almost jewel-like writing. How can light and colour work to draw a reader in? Could we say that a reader might be tempted by the brightness and light just like Icarus is drawn towards the sun?
Thank you for commenting on my piece of work.I love how you have said my writing is full of colour and light.
“He was the master of the sky the king of wind he could fly” – what a great sentence this is, Ellis. It shows how Icarus is feeling so clearly. No wonder Apollo was annoyed! I agree with Dr Jamie too – the contrasts you have described through the colours and use of light are very effective and help your reader to build a clear image of what Icarus is experiencing. Well done!
Mrs Grant