Lo: Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choice?
They leapt like new born birds from the tower ledge and there Perl Wight wings opened as fast as a lightning bolt from Zeus and shot up like a catapult. The wings glided gracefully above the neon blue sea. Icrus became over confident and flew as high as an eagle above the clouds and the sun pealed of the wax like a scab. The wings fell apart faster than a shooting star and icrus fell like a rock down the side of a cliff. He froze like an ice scolpcher in fear and wonder if this was his last breath and it was and he slept with the fishes.
The end by Milo
I love “like new born birds” because it tells you lots about how good they are at flying.
Why does this tell you how good they are at flying?
hi milo
I liked how you used a lot of verbs like the Perl wings, the neon blue sea, the wax started to peel off like a scab.
from oskar
I think they are effective as well Oskar. Why do you think that they effective phrases to use?
The use of comparisons (similes) here creates some very vivid imagery. Maybe the comparisons could become real – writers often do this. For example, you could say ‘Icarus IS a rock, falling down the side of a cliff’. This is called a ‘metaphor’.
This is a great piece of writing – if someone read it to me and I closed my eyes, I would be able to picture the adventures of poor Icarus very clearly! You’ve thought very carefully about which verbs and noun phrases would have the best effect in creating an atmosphere for your reader. I agree with Dr Jamie – try a metaphor next time too! Well done you!
Mrs Grant