LO: Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choice?
They leapt from the tower, skimmed the walls and up they went. They glided above the cold black sea. Their wings gently fluttering in the crisp autumn air. When Icarus mastered his wings he gracefully soared up. Higher and higher he went closer and closer to the sun he came. Dadalus called” Icarus stop climbing” but Icarus ignored him. Over beautiful mountainsides they flew caching stunning views of golden beaches like ribbons leading to the azure horizon. Yet Icarus was still climbing. Then to seal his fate Icarus said “I can fly even higher than Apollo but Apollo heard this. He was not pleased with Icarus. He ordered the sun to shine its rays on Icarus. No sooner than Apollo said this then the sun broke throw the silvery clouds to shine its gleaming rays on Icarus. Icarus immediately knew he was in for trouble. The was on his back heated up in the sun, blistering his back and started to spread and drip off him, the wings loosened and the feathers slowly but surely fluttered off.
Icarus careered out of control, the black sea racing up to meet him. Icarus let out a last frustrated scream then he hit the water. A crimson trickle of blood left his crumpled body drifting away trough the black water. Icaruses body then sank beneath the cold waves.
Dadalus was worried; he could not see Icarus anywhere. Not near the silvery clouds, not above the mountains. Then in the sea below Dadalus spotted a crimson streak in the water and the limp lifeless body of Icarus beneath, just visible in the sea below
great descriptive writing mac.
i like the use of verbs and noun phrases for instance the silvery clouds it shows that the clouds were clear and white its a great noun phrase to describe the clouds. I like the verb glided because it shows that you are in control and and how they are flying.
thanks, dean
I am quite proud of my noun phrases. also the noun phrases on your work are exelent.
I like the noun phrase ” crisp autumn air. ” It tells us what the weathers is like on that specific day and how it would have really felt like. It makes it more realistic. It wont be all summery with butterfly and flowers and all chirpy.
A beautiful description of the beaches leading to the horizon. I like the way the feathers are said to be peeling off – this slows down the action and lets the reader watch in horror. The final image of the blood in the water is fanstastic and very moving indeed.
Mac – this is a very impressive piece of writing and you must be very proud of it! The careful choices of verbs and noun phrases build a clear image in your readers’ minds and show your skill as an author. Great use of contrasts too – temperature, emotions, speed. Your punctuation is very effective – try to vary your sentence lengths next time. I’m sure you know how effective a short sentence can be to build tension. Well done!
Mrs Grant
thank you.
I am indeed very proud of my writing and also I will try to use short sentences.