Lo: Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choice?
As they leaped from the tower edge, and plummeted straight down. Their shiny pearl wings swooped them up just before they hit the ground, and took them up to the dark purple sky . With the cool afternoon breeze at their faces. As they flew for longer Icarus started to understand flying. Icarus started to feel excessive pride. He flew higher and higher closer to the sun. Daedilous shouted to warn Icarus not to fly so high but Icarus just ignored him. He said “ I am the best at flying I can fly higher than the sun god Apollo.”. Icarus didn’t care about what he had done until ….
I like the verb plummeted because it shows a sense of speed in the air. I love the use of excessive pride because it shows that Icarus is boasting.
Great work!
Thanks Mazie
Great work Lauren.
I liked how you thought deeply about your story and all the emotions such as ‘excesive pride’It showes that they are really pride so that is how Icares died because he had to much pride.
Thanks Katie
i love your writing Lauren
I love the verb ‘swooped’ because it shows how Icarus and Dadilis are just about to hit the ground but he just misses it adds tension to the story.
A sense of drama is created immediately as they almost hit the ground before swooping into the air. The ‘cool afternoon breeze’ contrasts well with the later heat of the sun which acts as a warning for Icarus. What do you think is the appeal of flying for Icarus? How might you tell a reader this?
Thank you. I think the appeal of flying for Icarus is that he is good at it and no one else has done it before.He is proud that he can fly already and no one else has even tried it before.
You have made use of some carefully chosen adjectives here, Lauren which paint a very clear picture in your readers’ minds. The contrast of the dark purple sky with the sun drawing Icarus higher and higher build the tension before the cliffhanger at the end. Well done!
Mrs Grant