L.O can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choice?
As they leapt from the tower ledge, Icarus and Dadalus plummated down the side of the tower. As they let the feathered wings spread, they shot up! Catching the afternoon breeze Icarus had built up confidence and started manoeuvring around in the air current .As they flew over the tempestuous sea Icarus soared up higher into the azure sky dadalus started getting worried and warned Icarus not to fly to high but Icarus ignored him an flew higher. He cried I’m beating Apollo at his own game, Apollo heard this and so he told the sun to raise the heat. The stiff wax started to melt on Icarus’s burnt back. As the great wings on Icarus’s back fell of the fear that dadalus was dreading all this time had happened Icarus plunged down and down and SMACK! Breaking all his bones in his body he drowned to the bottom of the oceon and that was the end of Icarus.
I love your writing Dean
I love your use of verbs. i love the verb plummeted because it shows a sense of speed.
great work!!!!
Amazing!
Great verbs. I really like the verb tempestuous as it explains the sea is rough and creates the atmosphere.
A very sophisticated use of vocabulary (‘tempestuous’, ‘azure’). The sound of Icarus hitting the waves is very evocative – could a simile also be used here to compare the sound to something else? This could make it even more powerful for a reader.
Thank you for your comment. Do you think I could use ”It sounded as if a hammer was hitting metal”?
Your descriptions of movement in this piece are very effective, Dean – your choices of verbs build a great image in your reader’s mind. Well done!
Mrs Grant
Wow tempestous. Never heard that one before, great adjective and work