Lo: Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choice?
They leapt from the tower ledge. As they plunged down their glittering feathered wings unfurled. They shot up just a few inches above the ground! Daedalus warned Icarus not to go to high nether too low or the wax will melt and the feathers will get heavy from the water, but Iacrus did not listen to his farther, and he flew a lot higher than he should of, he shouted “I’m better than Apollo!” Apollo heard this and he ordered the sun to shine his rays towards Icarus, but then the wax on his back started to melt. Suddenly he started to tumble , tumberling so much he couldn’t control it. At that moment he fell to his death and he died from the impact of the water. Icarus was never to been seen again by his farther.
The end
Brilliant work Kathrine.
I really like the word ‘glittering’it really stood out to me. It also shoes that the wings aren’t dirty its just like the feathers are brand new. I also like how you explained that the impact of water hurt him so much that he just sank.
Thank you.I also really like the use of glittering because it shows the feathers are not dirty
I like the verb “leapt” because it shows they are confident.
Fab work Kathrine
I like how you said “he started to tumble, tumbling so much he couldn’t control it.” It is really realistic that he started to tumble then he started tumbling so fast that he could control himself
I like the use of ‘unfurled’ – it describes a gradual but powerful opening of the wings. The repetion of ‘tumble’ creates a good effect – it emphasises the speed and the chaotic falling of Icarus.
Thank you for your comment.I also like the use of unfurled because I wanted to get the affect of gradual but sudden
You have written a clear description of this scene which helps your reader to follow the changes in the emotions/ attitudes of Icarus and Daedalus. I agree with other posters – your repetition of the verb tumble/tumbling is a very effective technique to show the lack of control of the fall, contrasting very well with the confidence Icarus had earlier in the piece. Well done!
Mrs Grant (you don’t know me but the other children can tell you who I am!)