Lo: Can I retell the ending of a story using noun phrases and accurate verb choices?
As the burning wax began to melt, the purl white feathered wings began unfurled. Suddenly wings began to shake with fear. Then they darted across the sapphire sky in a rush! Icarus was petrified at first but then he got the hang of it, in fact he mastered it but started to have excessive pride. Icarus was warned by his father not to fly to high, but he ignored his father and flew higher and higher. The calm breeze started to carrying him up and he was drifting in the azure sky. Icarus was not thinking and then said that he could go higher then the god of the sun Apollo. Apollo over heard what Icarus said so Apollo got furious and then he told the gold glittering sun to shin it sun rays upon the land. So the sun shone its flaming hot sun rays and then the wax began to drip down his back and the plummeted into the deep, rapid sea. The hard navy blue sea started crushing his bone and was never to be seen again by his father ever again. His father wept in sadness.
I love ” pearl white” because it gives you a real sense on the colour of the wings.
I like the way you have said”Suddenly wings began to shake with fear.” It really shows us to how scared Icarus is. I also think it really makes it feel real the way you say,”the wax began to drip down his back and the plummeted into the deep, rapid sea.”. I can imagine the wax dripping of of his back
Excellent writing Calista!
I really like the noun phrase’ the sapphire sky’ because you can tell what color the sky is and how blue it is. I can imagine I am in the scene and I am in that sapphire sky.
We see just how easily pride comes almost immediately after Icarus has mastered flying. The ending is extremely poignant – especially the image of the weeping father. The ‘calm breeze’ contrasts with what is to come later in the tale – maybe other contrasts of imagery or sound effects could also be used in a similar way?
Calista – very impressive use of noun phrases and carefully selected verbs choices here to build your description. I particularly like the peaceful image of the wings unfurling and the contrast with Icarus plummeting into the sea. It’s your choice of verbs that makes this so effective. Well done!
Mrs Grant
Thank you for your wonderful comments. I tried to use short sentences for effect. I also tried to describe the colors in detail so it can paint a clear picture in the readers head.