Icarus stepped up onto the dirty window sill, mixed feelings spread across his body. He shook uncontrollably as he stepped forward.
This was it.
He took a deep breath and jumped.
Down, down, down, he was falling. Panic rose inside him, it shot through him like a bullet.
The gravely floor was forming into view, as he plummeted downward, his feathered wings unfurled as they caught the wind.
Icarus soared: he soared upward, up to the sun.
Daedalus gave a cry of horror.
“Icarus, please come back down from the sun, the wax on your back will melt and your wings will fall off!” Cried Daedalus.
Icarus laughed.
“Oh dad, you make me laugh, I’m getting the hang of flying with my magnificent wings, I am even better than the gods!” Mocked Icarus.
With that, he flew higher than he did before.
Below, a torrent of water thundered endlessly over the lip of the rock and filled the sea with its hammering roar.
The seering sun burned on Icarus’ back, he felt the wax holding his wings together start to sizzle.
He felt it dribble down his bare skin. The feathers from his wings began to blow in the wind. Soon he was left with nothing but his bare arms to keep him up.
Heart pounded, pulse raced, eyes widened.
I like the bit near the end where it says ”filled the sea with its hammering roar.”
I also liked the expression on where you said ”Mocked Icarus.”
What a great piece Gabriella!
I really like the phrase ‘Below, a torrent of water thundered endlessly over the lip of the rock and filled the sea with its hammering roar.’ it gives the reader a strong foreboding sense.
I loved it when you wrote it shot through him like a bullet. 🙂
Also i really liked it when you said ‘The gravely floor was forming into view’
The word torrent is extremely effective I might end up using it in my writing.
A very powerful adjective.
WELL DONE
thank you:)
I like how you used ‘ mixed feelings spread across his body’ because it gives the reader the impression that Icarus was nervous about jumping from the window.
I also like how you said heart pounded, pulse raced as it make a tense picture in my head.
Well done Gabby (:
Gabby I like your writing as you used really powerful adverbs and description as you show how Icarus is feeling. Also you have used a mixture of sentences as well as short sentences.
This piece of writing has such powerful language. It is amazing what you can do with a pen and paper.